Have you ever taken those quizzes on Facebook that ask you which disciple you are most like? I have and it always tells me I’m most like Peter. I can’t argue that really, I’m am quite the protector of my family and friends. I’d take whatever action was needed to protect them in the right situation, I might cut off an ear, well maybe not but you get the point.
Well today I really proved to myself that I’m more Peter then I would have like to admit. I climbed the roof at work today in the name of a 365 picture. I wanted a pic of the cross and then had these brilliant ideas of doing some editing and showing how I’ve over come addictions with the power of the cross. So when I fearlessly headed to the roof, people seemed concerned. I on the other hand was like ” it’s all good, I got this, I know exactly what shot I want. I’ve been up there before.
As I was passing a hallway I shouted at a couple of friends/co workers that I was headed up to the roof and jokingly said “if you don’t see me in about twenty minutes come looking for me.” One of them was right behind me to even see where this door was I was talking about to get to the roof. I graciously showed her and she followed me out the fumy looking door onto the first level of the roof.
I looked at my friend who stated she might not want to clime up that metal skinny ladder and said okay no biggie. Well once I hit the top of the ladder to the second story of the building it started to hit me that I might have a fear of heights. The ever increasing pressure on my throat and struggle to breath wasn’t going to deter me though. I knew it was all physiological right, and the air wasn’t thin like in the mountains. Good grief I was only on the second story of the building. It wasn’t Mt. St. Helen’s for goodness sake.
It didn’t hit me till I was about half of the way to the spot I needed to be at that I might have more then just a little fear of heights. My imagination took over and I started picturing myself falling through the roof and landing in the sanctuary and being empaneled by a chair. I imagined that I might find that one weak spot the maintenance guy seemed to have missed. That the roof was really made of thatch and not concrete.
My legs suddenly weren’t working right and my feet felt like bricks were attached to them. With every step I felt the rubber roof sink a little with the weight of my body. Half way there I reached my right hand back and felt my back pocket and yes my phone was there, so if I needed to call someone to come get me I could. If I was going to die it might as well be from embarrassment then the crashing of my body on to chairs right.
I took a few more steps and looked at my subject. It felt like it’s a days walk away and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to make it. I think oh Jesus just let me turn around and make it back to the ladder. I turn around and slowly start back to the ladder. I feel my feet getting lighter and lighter the closer I get to the ladder. I kept telling myself that I went this way once and did fall in so I can make it back safely. Once I reach the ladder, I look down at the next level and feel my stomach turn. I pray dear Jesus just let me get down the ladder.
I started down the ladder once again the wind starts blowing and covering my eyes so as to make it really hard to see the rungs. I finally make it down and my friend who decided not to climb the ladder does what any responsible adult would do and shuts the door to the roof tight. The one small flaw in that is that there is not a handle on the outside for security purposes I suppose.
I put my hands on the door and say ” oh Jesus please let me back in your building”. As I feel around the edges I finally find a lip at the bottom that I can get my finger nails in and gently pull. The heavy metal door gently comes open and I step back into my sanctuary of safety. Shaking at this point uncontrollably I lock the door up and head back to my office so I can now go home.
Today I feel I conquered a fear I never really knew I had. That is a fear of heights, but also I feel I learned a little bit more about myself that others maybe already knew. I’m a jump in head first no fear kinda person. I say it all the time but really never believed it till today. I trust Jesus more in some ways then in others I guess.